K.D.

I was born in a small village northwest of the capital of India. When I was born my parents had ambitions for me to travel to Alaska and become an ambassador for the United States. They changed their minds when they caught me in my bedroom one day, fusing and wiring together broken toy race car parts to make fireworks.

I soon established myself as a troublemaker in elementary school. One day I modified the lock on the doorknob to our classroom to include a fingerprint reader to allow access. I set it so that only my classmates and I could open the door, but my teacher could not. We were given the day off, much to the appreciation of my classmates. I used the day off to build small inexpensive computing systems for a third-world nation.

At the age of 9 I became the most famous musician in the entire country. I had recorded fifteen best-selling albums by the age of 11, and these albums stayed at the top of the international charts for six consecutive months. My repertoire included choral pieces, the saxophone, the tabla, the cello, the sitar, and the piano. Between these forms I created compositions that were so beautiful they reduced my audiences to tears of joy, and caused riots in the major metropolitan areas of the United States. Later that same year I invented laser eye surgery and collected enough solar energy to end India's rampant energy shortages.

In middle school I discovered that my natural talent for sharpshooting was making me famous all across India and to parts of Bangladesh. I didn't even know I was famous until the King of India himself invited me to a luncheon where my family and I ate cucumber sandwiches with gold flakes. I soon became even more famous because I could shoot a target the size of a mouse from ten miles away, while improving semiconductor efficiency at the same time. For my efforts I won eleven gold medals and a Pulitzer Prize, as well as my name in the Guinness Book of World Records. I frequently flew to London and the United States to give university lectures on circuits and physics.

I achieved perfect scores on all my college entrance exams, and in the summer before I entered college I invented a programming language called Python, which is now an industry standard. I invented binary code as a freshman in college, and had to frequently run away from the hundreds of women who wanted to sleep with me. One time I was working in a computer lab in the early morning when I spotted a gang of thugs stealing valuable equipment. They saw me and advanced on me with AK-47s and brass knuckles. I managed to survive by roundhouse-kicking two of them in the face while simultaneously heaving one of the thugs out a glass window. In their getaway car outside there was a beautiful blond woman, so I set her free and she kissed me very enthusiastically (I still have the scars).

After graduating with top honors and a perfect 4.0 GPA, I decided to continue my graduate studies at San Francisco State University.

R.S.D.

I was born in the year 1985 in a small village in northern Africa, in the beautifully war-torn country of Algeria. When I was born I had blond hair, but it fell out and gave way to my beautiful brown princess locks that I have today. As a toddler I had a natural affinity for business. I would build small mechanical contraptions out of Lego pieces and kitchen utensils and sell them to my classmates. The contraptions had no purpose, but they at least looked cool and my classmates loved them.

When I was 8 I was playing in the river that ran behind my house when I saw a man fall in. He was drowning so I swam over to him and rescued him. Later I discovered that he was a world famous director for the top 10 international films worldwide. He cast me as the heroine for his next film, titled Beyond the Meadows. I also helped compose the soundtrack for this film, which involved me conducting a full-scale orchestra. For my performance I won ten Academy Awards.

Later in my life I moved to Austria, where I became a world champion as a rider for the Lipizzaners at the age of 15. My favorite horse was named Sugar and we performed for 5 years to audiences from all over the world – this was the start of my internationally focused career. It was around this time that I was awarded four black belts in karate, judo, Tai Kwan do, and muay thai.

A year later I was working as an executive assistant to the ambassador of Spain when we discovered that there were huge amounts of fraud and excessive corporate spending in the accounts of ten of the largest companies in the European Union. We flew over to the headquarters of each company, busted down the doors, and forcibly took the fraudulent perpetrators hostage until representatives of the World Trade Organization arrived. I was commended for my bravery and for the roundhouse kick I swiftly delivered to each of the perpetrators.

I tutored all my classmates in calculus and statistics, raising the average GPA of my school by 4 points. I became the head of the cheerleading squad and graduated with top honors, speaking to my graduating class about the evils of poverty and the current state of the world. To this day I actively use Facebook to keep up with my high school colleagues. I recruited them all into a team to rebuild the Golden Gate Bridge. I also recorded a best-selling vocal jazz CD which stayed at the top of the charts for ten weeks.

In the spring of 2008 I joined the U.S. Olympic gymnastics, track, and fencing teams. My supreme athletic ability put me ahead of all the world competitors, and I was able to win fifteen gold medals and one silver medal. During this time, Michael Phelps asked me to marry him but I politely declined. Also, Brett Michaels invited me to appear on his show Rock of Love but I declined that too. My spectacular performance in the Olympic Games brought tears to the eyes of the president of China, who declared a national holiday in my name and announced his determination to improve living conditions for his people.

Later I arrived in the United States, determined to blaze through the college system with the same power and enthusiasm that I had discovered growing up in 13 different countries. I entered San Francisco State as an international student with a triple major in international business, vocal performance, and physics. It was during my time at SFSU that I invented the internet and used my psychic powers to destroy 200 sweatshops in Bangladesh.

I am now graduating with the top GPA in the entire college, as well as a member of Beta Gamma Sigma, the business honors society nationwide.