R.S.D.

I was born in the year 1985 in a small village in northern Africa, in the beautifully war-torn country of Algeria. When I was born I had blond hair, but it fell out and gave way to my beautiful brown princess locks that I have today. As a toddler I had a natural affinity for business. I would build small mechanical contraptions out of Lego pieces and kitchen utensils and sell them to my classmates. The contraptions had no purpose, but they at least looked cool and my classmates loved them.

When I was 8 I was playing in the river that ran behind my house when I saw a man fall in. He was drowning so I swam over to him and rescued him. Later I discovered that he was a world famous director for the top 10 international films worldwide. He cast me as the heroine for his next film, titled Beyond the Meadows. I also helped compose the soundtrack for this film, which involved me conducting a full-scale orchestra. For my performance I won ten Academy Awards.

Later in my life I moved to Austria, where I became a world champion as a rider for the Lipizzaners at the age of 15. My favorite horse was named Sugar and we performed for 5 years to audiences from all over the world – this was the start of my internationally focused career. It was around this time that I was awarded four black belts in karate, judo, Tai Kwan do, and muay thai.

A year later I was working as an executive assistant to the ambassador of Spain when we discovered that there were huge amounts of fraud and excessive corporate spending in the accounts of ten of the largest companies in the European Union. We flew over to the headquarters of each company, busted down the doors, and forcibly took the fraudulent perpetrators hostage until representatives of the World Trade Organization arrived. I was commended for my bravery and for the roundhouse kick I swiftly delivered to each of the perpetrators.

I tutored all my classmates in calculus and statistics, raising the average GPA of my school by 4 points. I became the head of the cheerleading squad and graduated with top honors, speaking to my graduating class about the evils of poverty and the current state of the world. To this day I actively use Facebook to keep up with my high school colleagues. I recruited them all into a team to rebuild the Golden Gate Bridge. I also recorded a best-selling vocal jazz CD which stayed at the top of the charts for ten weeks.

In the spring of 2008 I joined the U.S. Olympic gymnastics, track, and fencing teams. My supreme athletic ability put me ahead of all the world competitors, and I was able to win fifteen gold medals and one silver medal. During this time, Michael Phelps asked me to marry him but I politely declined. Also, Brett Michaels invited me to appear on his show Rock of Love but I declined that too. My spectacular performance in the Olympic Games brought tears to the eyes of the president of China, who declared a national holiday in my name and announced his determination to improve living conditions for his people.

Later I arrived in the United States, determined to blaze through the college system with the same power and enthusiasm that I had discovered growing up in 13 different countries. I entered San Francisco State as an international student with a triple major in international business, vocal performance, and physics. It was during my time at SFSU that I invented the internet and used my psychic powers to destroy 200 sweatshops in Bangladesh.

I am now graduating with the top GPA in the entire college, as well as a member of Beta Gamma Sigma, the business honors society nationwide.